I’ve been asked something like this a lot.
“How do you stay so motivated? I just can’t seem to get myself to do what I know I should do. Ho do you do it?”
What people are referring to is motivation to be healthier, more fit, stronger and I’ll share with you exactly how I do it in a minute.
There are plenty of motivation tips scattered throughout the Internet. A simple search will give you about 10,000,000 results.
With so many options, why are people still struggling with motivation?
Because people think the solution to motivation is a tactic; some tip they don’t know or haven’t tried and most sites give you just that. Tactics; things to do; to try.
Tactics usually fail when implemented without knowledge; knowing why you’re doing something or not doing something.
The main reason you’re not motivated is that whatever it is you think you should do, just isn’t that important to you.
You’re just not that into you.
To be motivated, you have to be self-centered. You have to place your needs – physical, mental and emotional – first and love yourself and honor the most valuable asset you have – YOU.
But, being motivated isn’t always about doing what’s best for you. Sometimes what motivates us actually hinders us.
For example, I have worked with thousands of runners most of whom would not, absolutely not, stop running even though they had an injury that constantly plagued them. Even while they weren’t running.
Think about it. You’re running with an injury and at the same time, complaining about having an injury.
So, what’s your motivation? To get better or to run?
In these cases, running is more important for a number of reasons. It’s a stress release, a weight management strategy, a way to escape, a way to feel alive. The list is long.
It doesn’t matter.
Your motivation to run is more important than your motivation to heal.
Someone I met said to me a while ago that she needed to lose some weight and generally take better care of herself. She’s feeling some “aging” aches and pains: going up a flight of stairs bothers her, working in the yard leaves her stiff and sore.
I said, “So have you started?”
“No, I know I need to but I just can’t seem to do it.”
“Why is that?”
“I don’t know…time I guess or well, I feel okay most of the time. It’s just with certain things that I notice that I’m not as strong as maybe I should be. I think I need a trainer maybe. Or maybe I need a workout partner or something.”
Tactics. What she needs to do is admit she’s more interested in staying in her present condition than changing it. Her concern for her future health and well-being is a lower priority. When you admit you don’t care how you end up at 65 or 70, well, that tends to wake you up. Or it should. Some people really don’t care and if you’re in that group, well, I’m surprised you’re still reading.
Harsh?
Maybe. But it’s true. Research shows that people procrastinate more when the issue that needs attention is perceived as far away or in the future. In other words, your choice is based on how you feel in the moment rather than how you will feel in five or ten years.
I lived a long time in a deconditioned, relatively unhealthy state. Here I was, helping other people put their lives back together while mine was falling apart.
Truth is, I just didn’t care enough to change… just like a lot of other people.
I felt okay. I had no sense of urgency to change anything and even if I did, I had no plan anyway.
But that all changed.
Two Things That What Will Wake You Up
One of my clients came to me with this complaint.
“My knee hurts – a lot.”
And I asked him what was the one thing he couldn’t do because of his knee pain, that if he never recovered, would be an overwhelming loss in his life.
He said without hesitation, “To play with my kids”.
There’s a small window in your life where your children even want to play with you.
He could imagine himself never having that opportunity and never getting it back.
We used that imagination as our guiding star; the thing that we would come back to when times got tough.
That’s not a tactic. That’s a reason and it’s way more powerful and successful at staying motivated than any tactic will ever be.
Something else that will wake you up is a significant life event. An injury, surgery, death of someone you love. A loss of some type.
You see this often in people who survive a near death event – cancer for example. They come out on the other side a different person. They have a different view of things and most of the time, they have a new level of respect for themselves.
I’ve been there.
I was injured snow skiing in 2008. I fell and ruptured a disc in my lower back. It was a large herniation. This injury disabled me – and disability by the way is measured on a scale of mild to severe and mine was moderate to severe – for many months.
I couldn’t do simple things. Like tie my shoes. Or sit down to eat at the dinner table and if I did sit down to eat, I had to slither out of the chair onto the floor because I couldn’t stand up.
I gained weight because I ate and drank with abandon to offset the serious level of emotional distress. Of course, the weight gain simply added to the distress.
I was in a deep, dark, crap hole of a life.
And I swam daily in the river DENIAL.
Fortunately, my friend and colleague Christine Springer helped me face reality. I accepted how badly I was injured and I also accepted that I may never do the things I loved to do which was beyond difficult. But it was essential.
The motivation to heal became paramount.
If I didn’t heal – physically, mentally, emotionally – I would never have a chance at an active life again. I would age more rapidly. My life would become narrower and more restricted.
And so the journey began.
I made it out the crap hole and now little things continue to motivate me.
Like being able to run the vacuum cleaner or decorate the Christmas tree. Yeah, I know that sounds maybe silly or meager but when you’ve lost the little things in your life, they forever are big things.
Sure, other things are important too but I remember what it was like to be in that deep, dark, crap hole of a life. What’s important to me, and I urge you to consider this as well, is what I can DO, how I FEEL and the future I IMAGINE .
Motivation is simply not a series of things to try and do. Yes, tactics have a role but sustained motivation is deeper. You have to take an honest assessment of yourself and your situation and state it clearly for what it is. If you’re happy with what you see, great. If not, get started on changing.
Questions to Ask Yourself to Motivate Yourself
- Imagine yourself ten years from now. Do you honestly think you’ll be any stronger, more agile, quicker than you are now if you keep traveling on the path you’re on?
- What would you like your life to be like at age 65, 70 and beyond? What do you want to be able to do?
- If you’re having trouble climbing a flight of stairs now or getting out of a chair or off the floor, how do you feel about needing a walker in ten years?
- If you have children or grandchildren, have you had to give up playing with them? Lifting them? And how painful is that for you?
- Look at your parents and ask yourself if you want what they have when you reach their age.
- What things have you had to give up so far in your life? How small were they? Things like going for a long, fast walk, or working in your yard, or some types of exercise. Fast forward five years and picture what else you’ve had to let go.
You can’t stop the relentless march of time but what you can do is slow the ticking of the clock. You do this by understanding what’s important to you and working a little everyday to keep it or achieve it.
And this is how you motivate yourself. You wake up.
What’s important to you? How do you motivate yourself?
