How to Get Off the Worry-Go-Round

Worrying is normal.

And it actually does a couple of things for you.

It helps you assess the current situation in light of the future. The “what if” scenarios that seem to be the theme of so much of worrying, can help you prevent making a current situation worse. And worrying buys you time while you sort things out.

But, it’s also really easy to let Worry run amok and ruin a good chunk of your life if you don’t how to control it.

A few years ago, I had a worry episode.

It was a sunny Saturday morning and I finally had strung my 15 to 30 second running intervals together for a full 3 minute run. Run three walk two.  I felt light. My steps had a little bounce reminding me of my competitive athlete days and it felt good. My heart rate didn’t take off like a fighter jet so the whole time I felt as if the effort was just a little harder than a fast walk.

I  spent several months getting to that point. Not just to run for the sake of running or health or fitness but to do it with Spencer, our Dalmatian.

Running with Spencer brought me joy. Why? Well, maybe it’s because he seems so happy and his excitement pulls me in or maybe it’s because, for 30 or 40 minutes, I’m just me and get lost in the delight of being. I know that may sound like I’m dining on ethereal cereal but I don’t know how else to describe it. I love the time, the thing we’re doing, being outdoors, the effort, and I love that he loves it too.

But, something was wrong with my buddy Spencer.

He had low energy, was ornery, his back was arched and he walked like the Tin Man. Later in the day, he couldn’t go up or down the stairs; I had to help him and this was when Worry whispered in my ear.

What is this? Why is he like this? Something must be very wrong…

I found my self trying to diagnose him without enough information or knowledge; my mind scooping up buckets of Worry. What if he has some disease? What if he has cancer or something worse? What if it’s too late? What if….what if…what if.

I’ve counseled thousands of people over my career and now it was time to take my own advice. Worrying is borrowing trouble from the future. There’s no amount of worry, by itself, that will change the situation.

But what do you do?

STEPS TO CONTROLLING WORRY

Gather the facts. What do you know that’s true? In Spencer’s case, all I knew was he acted like something was wrong; like he hurt. I didn’t know ANYTHING else.

Don’t project the future based on what you don’t know. Since all I knew was that he seemed to be in pain and nothing more, it was useless for me to start some mental gymnastics about all of the possibilities. Of course this is exactly what happens when you worry, isn’t it? This could happen, then this, then this and all of that based on stuff you don’t know is true.

Based on what you do know, make a plan. For Spencer, that meant a trip to the vet. That’s the only way I could find out anything more that could be true. For you, make a list of things you can do BASED ON THE FACTS.

Work the plan and refine the facts. We took Spencer to the vet and discovered he had a cervical spine injury with some degenerative changes in his neck. Now, I had a new set of facts to work with. From that new set of facts, we developed an action list for him.

Do all you can with what you know. This is a hard step because it requires you to act in the absence of knowing everything. But if you don’t act, you’ll get stuck on the worry-go-round.

Let go of the things you can’t control. Man, this is hard for me. Letting go of things I have no control over is tough because I second guess myself. I think, “What if I worked just a little harder at this?” or “Maybe I can find another way” when in reality, it won’t make any difference. For Spencer, it meant letting go of wondering if this would happen again and would it be worse and would he eventually not be able to lift his head or ….and on and on. See? I have no control over those things. I had to let it go.

When you find yourself worrying, try remembering that it’s just not very helpful. Instead, start making a list of what you know to be true, act on that list, refine the list, and let go of the things you can’t change. Every time you scoop up some worry into the worry bucket, dump it. It’s an effort and you’ll fill it up a lot. But, just keep doing it. It’s action and action is what you need.